


things you said

by ravinilla



Category: B.A.P, VIXX
Genre: Angst, Drabble Collection, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance, gee i wonder which my favorite pair is...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-03 01:59:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 11,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11522157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravinilla/pseuds/ravinilla
Summary: A collection of things you said.





	1. things you said that i wasn't meant to hear [l/r]

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! All of these are relatively short, from a collection of _"things you said"_ prompts on a tumblr post. They were all originally posted to my writing blog.

Wonsik hadn’t been in the house long and was on his way up to Taekwoon’s room after being let in by the butler, who seemed strangely on edge. The reason became clear when the shrill voice of Mrs. Jung reached Wonsik’s ears.

It wasn’t a good practice to eavesdrop, he knew, but when he heard his own name dropped, he couldn’t help it. The house servants didn’t mind him and passed by quickly, not wanting to be caught on the wrong end of their mistress’ wrath.

_“This is not how it was planned, Taekwoon! That man shouldn’t be apart of our family!”_  


A chill ran up Wonsik’s spine at being referred to so crassly.

_ “I already told you, and I’ve made up my mind.”  
_

_“You already know the consequences, Taekwoon. You_ know  _what will happen.”  
_

_“I don’t care. It’s settled.”_  


The conviction in Taekwoon’s voice, even though Wonsik didn’t know what the argument was about, grew goosebumps on his skin. What was he so serious about? Knowing the Jung family, it could be something horrible that involved cutting Wonsik from Taekwoon’s life forever.

Then, he heard Taekwoon say it.

_“He’s not going to be apart of_ your _family, he’s going to be apart of_ mine. _I’m going to marry him and that’s final.”_


	2. things you said when you were crying [l/r]

“This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen!” Taekwoon sobbed out, curled over and shaking. Wonsik’s heart beat wildly, staring with bafflement because he could count the number of times Taekwoon broke down on one hand—and every time left both of them more shaken than the last.

Taekwoon’s entire body quaked and Wonsik could feel it to his core as every choke ripped deeper into his chest, clenching at his lungs.

The wails rebounded off of every wall, consuming their entire world; and Taekwoon’s hands came up to the sides of Wonsik’s thighs to fist into the thick jean fabric. The louder the sobs were, the tighter the grip became.

Wonsik’s eyes could barely focus, but they fell on the sight of the bumps of Taekwoon’s spine rising up from his thin shirt, pulling tighter the further he curled into himself. In an attempt to be soothing, he reached over and ran his hand gently up the bony ridges. Taekwoon sucked in a sharp breath that stung at Wonsik’s throat with its force.

They stayed like that; Taekwoon sobbing rising and falling uncontrollably, saying things that didn’t make sense, that he wouldn’t remember later. Wonsik knew he didn’t mean any of them, but they rang in his ear and likely would stay all the way through the night, thrumming through his ear canals.

Then, Taekwoon said something that took Wonsik by completely shock. “ _I wish I’d never been born!”_

Wonsik’s heart shattered into a million pieces and the tears that had barely been held at bay spilled over. He choked on the first cry but pulled Taekwoon up with a force that scared the both of them.

“Don’t say that!” he all but screeched.

Taekwoon’s eyes were wide and bloodshot, not registering the bruising grip curling into his arms.

A new wave of emotion flooded his eyes and Wonsik couldn’t stand to see it anymore, so he yanked him into a crushing hug. Taekwoon’s hands came up to claw at the back of his shirt, desperate and agonized.

What had to be eternities later, they found themselves in bed, still clinging to each other. Taekwoon jerked with his heavy sniffles and Wonsik stared with stinging eyes at the wall behind him. Only their touching skin grounded him in the middle of the bed too small for both of them.

Taekwoon finally whispered, weak and hoarse, “I’m sorry . . .”

For a long moment, Wonsik wasn’t sure how to reply. He knew nothing Taekwoon said was meant, but his heart was still aching, even in its thousands of pieces.

“Just…” he mumbled, looking for the right words to say. “Just don’t leave me…”

New tears, warm and wet, streamed against his neck.

“I’m sorry. I won’t.”

And they held each other tighter.


	3. things you said after you kissed me [l/r]

Tension had been thick in the air all night.

Before Jaehwan left them to go home for the night, he’d jerked Wonsik aside playfully and whispered into his ear,  _“If you don’t do it before you sleep tonight, you’re buying me lunch for the rest of the month.”_

He said it like they were still silly little high schoolers, like Wonsik never kissed someone before and didn’t have the guts to do it. Truth be told, he didn’t need the incentive either; he’d been wanting to touch and kiss from Taekwoon near the very moment he met him—Taekwoon was just a little hard to approach.

All this time though, they spent long days and longer nights together, forming a close friendship from nothing, and then maybe something more. There’d been lingering touches and yearning stares and everyone wanted them to get it over with and fuck already, but there was still that last gap to leap—and Wonsik wasn’t sure he could do it.

But tonight… Tonight was different. It had to be, because Taekwoon would look at him and look at his lips, which made Wonsik want to pull him in and kiss him until they were both breathless.

They worked quietly on clean up after their little get-together; neither of them missed the grazing touches and brushes of skin as they moved around. Wonsik swore electricity shot through him every time.

When Taekwoon left for a shower, Wonsik spent that time pacing, building up the courage to finally do it. His heart jumped at the thought, but he couldn’t stand how palpable the need was anymore. He went inside the bedroom with his resolve set.

The bathroom door opened a little while later.

“Wonsik, do you have a clean shirt I can borrow?” Taekwoon asked, stepping out with a towel draped over his shoulders and another wrapped around his waist. He shivered at the cool air.

Wonsik came out of the bedroom with one in hand, but as soon as he saw Taekwoon, his mind went blank. It wasn’t like they hadn’t seen each other half-naked before, but his face still heated up and he looked away. His resolve wavered a little.

Sensing the discomfort, Taekwoon quickly moved for the shirt, but as soon as he grabbed it, Wonsik grabbed his wrist. He stopped in his tracks and stared.

Wonsik thought his whole body was shaking and he felt like he might catch fire, but he ignored all that as he unabashedly stared at Taekwoon’s pink, pink lips. He took a tentative step forward with the hopes that Taekwoon might catch onto what he wanted. Thankfully, Taekwoon didn’t pull back.

He inched closer until they were finally nose to nose, warm breath fanning on each others’ faces. Taekwoon’s lips parted and Wonsik tilted his head until they brushed against his.

Like it was a breath of fresh air, Taekwoon sighed into the kiss and the shirt dropped between them. He wrapped his arms around Wonsik’s shoulders and Wonsik wrapped his around his waist, their bodies flushing together.

It was a little too much teeth but it was everything Wonsik wanted and more. They only finally had to pull away when their lungs began to burn with the need for breath.

Against the wall and panting, Taekwoon leaned his forehead against Wonsik’s and stared dazedly at each other. Seeing Taekwoon’s spit-slick lips made Wonsik want to do  _other_  things, but he was elated with the fact that finally … Finally, it happened.

“I’ve been waiting for you to do that ever since we met.” Taekwoon breathed with rosy cheeks—and surprised, Wonsik laughed.

They ended up kissing again, and many more times after that.


	4. things you said over the phone [l/r]

Taekwoon blinked blearily at the harsh numbers of his clock, rudely woken up by a ringtone that could only mean one person was calling him. He patted around for his phone before it would stop.

“Wonsik, what the he—”

_ “Hyung..." _

Taekwoon paused. The edge in Wonsik’s voice meant one of two things: A, he was drunk, or B, he was holding back tears. For both options, it hadn’t been the first time and Taekwoon was wary to ask what was wrong.

“…Are you okay?” he asked, clearing his throat and blinking the sleep from his eyes a few more times.

Wonsik sighed on the other side of the line, like he was both exhausted and annoyed.

Taekwoon waited for him to go on, not knowing what he would say. Sleep wanted to drag him back down and his eyelids weighed down, but Wonsik spoke again.

_ “She’s pregnant.” _

The world froze with a ton of bricks slamming into Taekwoon in the same moment that his stomach dropped.

_ She’s pregnant. _

What that meant made it hard for Taekwoon to breathe. The collection of actions and ideas that had to come about for that to happen ripped a hole in his reality.

_ She’s pregnant. _

_“Hyung…?”_   Wonsik sounded slightly more sober with a new worry.

Taekwoon opened his mouth but then choked on his words, not realizing that tears were streaming down his face.

_ “Hyung, say something.” _

Broken noises and half words were the only things coming out, shock enveloping Taekwoon’s brain too much for anything to finish.

He sniffled.

_ “...Fuck.” _

He dropped the phone. Wonsik’s voice was distant this time.

_ “I’m coming over.” _


	5. things you said when you thought i didn't love you back [l/r]

It didn’t take long for Wonsik to gain the sense that he’d done something wrong. The whole dorm seemed to know it from the way Taekwoon was explicitly avoiding him. It had him thumbing through his recent memories, all the time they’d spent together, for some kind of fuck up. He couldn’t find anything though; in fact, Taekwoon seemed more than happy to be around him.

It was vice versa too, but now Wonsik wasn’t sure it was mutual to begin with. The more days that passed, the more he worried about it. Taekwoon would stare at him from across the room and look away as soon as he even made a move to get up towards him.

He wanted to ask someone if maybe he’d done something wrong and didn’t know about it, but none of them would be any help. None of the managers could catch wind that something might be wrong too, otherwise they’d be forced to work it out and that would be uncomfortable for everyone.

So Wonsik spent the days searching for ways to get Taekwoon alone and ideas to start a conversation that would resolve the issue, but Taekwoon was stubborn. Even though he liked his privacy, he couldn’t be found alone anymore; he’d be attending Mata Hari rehearsals or sitting quietly with another member while they were busy. It was like he  _knew_  Wonsik wanted to get him alone, and that avoidance was frustrating as hell. It hurt his heart.

It got to the point where he actively started coming home from the studio early to catch Taekwoon as soon as he came into the dorm. A few nights passed with no success and his spirits dampened—until one lucky night when half of the members were out, and the one (Hakyeon) who was in was asleep.

“Ah, it’s dark…” Taekwoon’s voice muttered from the doorway.

Wonsik flicked on a light from the kitchen and it startled a little gasp from Taekwoon, who placed his hand over his chest. His eyes promptly narrowed.

“Sorry,” Wonsik said sheepishly, “didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Why are you in the dark like this?” Taekwoon asked, removing his jacket and shoes. He seemed to be in a hurry to escape.

Wonsik hadn’t considered how creepy and foreboding it turned out to be but pushed that aside in favor of the bigger problem at hand. He took a deep breath. A wariness crossed Taekwoon’s face.

“Why have you been avoiding me?”

A beat of silence passed and Taekwoon pressed his lips together. He shook his head an opened his mouth.

“And don’t say you haven’t, because you have.” Wonsik cut him off. “Hyung, you  _have.”_

The pressed lips turned into a tight frown and Taekwoon’s expression darkened. The thought that maybe Taekwoon didn’t want to be around him anymore belatedly occurred to him and his heart dropped—but it was too late to pull out now.

For no apparent reason, Taekwoon scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Why do you care?”

Wonsik gaped. “What does that—What do you  _mean_  what do I care?” he hissed, conscious of his volume so Hakyeon wouldn’t wake up. “Hyung, did I do something wrong?”

Brow furrowed in irritation, Taekwoon bit his lip.

Wonsik groaned in frustration. “Hyung!” He was about to go off before Taekwoon responded.

“It would be better,” he forced out, “…It would be better if we just weren’t friends.”

The words punched Wonsik in the stomach and he had to brace himself on the counter to keep his head. “Wh-Wha …”

“You heard me.” Taekwoon turned on his heel and began stalking off to his room.

The bafflement was quickly shoved aside by a tantrum. Wonsik stomped after Taekwoon and grabbed his shoulders, spinning him around and pushing him into a wall.

“Hyung, what the fu—”

He abruptly froze at the sight of Taekwoon’s gleaming eyes and trembling bottom lip in the low light.

“…Y-You’re crying?”

Taekwoon shoved him off but Wonsik caught his arm. “Hyung, I’m sorry—I d-didn’t mean to make you—”

“Shut up.” Taekwoon snapped, wiping at his face. “I can’t deal with this, Wonsik.”

Wonsik was confused, not understanding what he meant. Taekwoon went limp in his hold, not trying to pull away anymore. He was about to ask what he did wrong before Taekwoon spoke again.

“You’re…  _you_  and you won’t feel the same, and I just—I can’t, okay? Please, just leave me alone…”

_ Feel the same? _

Taekwoon’s arm slipped from his hold the first chance it got and Taekwoon escaped to his room.

_ Feel the same… about? _

Then, it clicked. Wonsik’s heart jumped into his throat and his eyes widened.

“Hyung, wait!”

And he chased Taekwoon back to his bedroom.


	6. things you said over the phone [l/r]

By the faint purring in the background, Taekwoon could tell Wonsik was driving. His eyes fell closed as he imagined sitting in the passenger seat and glancing over, seeing Wonsik try to impress him by only using one hand. How he wished he could be there with him now.

“…How long will you be gone?”

Wonsik sighed, heavy and tired, and when he spoke, his tone was underlined with sadness and exhaustion.  _“I don’t know… I’m sorry, hyung.”_

A familiar grip took hold of Taekwoon’s windpipes as he tried to keep himself together. It wasn’t a permanent arrangement and he knew if he could only keep himself busy until then, they’d be together again before he knew it.

“You promise to be safe, right?”

In his mind’s eye, he could see Wonsik opening his mouth and hesitating, trying to find the right words to convince Taekwoon into a false security. Desperation was so thick in him right now that he’d accept it wholeheartedly. He needed— _needed_  to believe that everything would be alright. The delusions he’d fed himself before worked magic and he was begging for one more good stretch of belief.

_ “You know me, hyung… My middle name is cautious.” _

Taekwoon snorted a laugh; one that sounded more like a mix of a choked sob and a dying pig. The breakdown had to be held back though; if he started crying, Wonsik would too, and then he’d turn right back around and drive right into his death. It was better, safer this way.

“Promise me, Wonsik.” he whispered.

The engine murmured over the line alone for a long moment. Taekwoon almost feared Wonsik would hang up.

“Promise me.”

_ “…I promise.” _

Taekwoon took a deep, shuddering breath. “What do you promise?”

Another long moment passed before Wonsik said,  _“I promise to come back to you, safe and alive.”_

And even though he knew it might be a lie, that they might never see each other again, Taekwoon’s eyes fell closed and he smiled.

“I’ll be waiting.”


	7. things you said when you were drunk 1 [l/r]

They only got to stay far past closing time because Hakyeon and Jaehwan owned the small bar together. Hongbin had already left them to finish some work and Sanghyuk was upstairs sleeping.

Taekwoon had never been much of a drinker; holding his liquor had never been a strong suit and he didn’t like being drunk in public anyway, even around the company of people he trusted. Wonsik wasn’t like that. Which was why he was completely and totally shitfaced next to him, humming to himself.

Jaehwan thought it was the funniest thing and took a lot of pictures every time, and Hakyeon would just roll his eyes. Wonsik burped disgustingly and that was when Hakyeon cut him off.

Even though he was on water now, he was still thoroughly drunk and he flagrantly stared at Taekwoon, who could feel the tips of his ears reddening because of it.

“Are you gonna take him home?” Jaehwan asked cheekily, closing one of the glass cabinets. “You know he likes you best.”

Taekwoon scoffed, looking away to hide his blush. “Don’t say that.”

“Jaehwan,” Hakyeon began to reprimand, “you know Taekwoon has a boyfriend. Don’t say things like that.”

With his head resting into his arms, Wonsik snorted loudly. Taekwoon was only slightly taken aback; they all knew Wonsik didn’t like his boyfriend, but he didn’t have much of a problem with that since Wonsik wasn’t vocal over it.

“Yeah… I’ll take him home.” he eventually replied. They livid in the same general direction in any case, so he wouldn’t be going out of his way to do it.

They stayed a while longer, letting Wonsik get a grip again even just a little.

“Would you like me to help you with him to the car?” Hakyeon asked, taking off his waist apron.

“I c'n walk m'self…” Wonsik slurred, and Taekwoon sighed at him. He shook his head at Hakyeon.

They made it out of the small building before Wonsik was leaning most of his weight into Taekwoon’s side. He didn’t mind though; the night was chilly and the extra warmth that came from Wonsik being a human furnace was welcome.

He ushered Wonsik into the car and made sure his seat belt was on before getting into the driver’s seat.

“Let’s get you home…” Taekwoon murmured, more to himself than Wonsik. Wonsik hummed sleepily.

The ride was quiet, only the sound of the radio softly playing trot. Wonsik began to mumble in his sleep, which Taekwoon ignored because it was common, even when they were younger.

They pulled up to Wonsik’s apartment building not long later. Taekwoon turned off the car and glanced to Wonsik, who was half-awake by now. He sighed, smiled a little to himself, shook his head, and then tapped him on the shoulder.

“Wonsik, we’re here. You need to walk.”

The pop of the seat belt let him know that Wonsik was at least conscious enough to move on his own. He got out of the car to open the passenger door. Wonsik sluggishly got out and then leaned against the car’s side, taking a deep breath and tilting his head back to the sky. Taekwoon watched him blink at it.

“Is'so pretty, hyun’…” he mumbled, mouth not quite able to form words right.

Taekwoon glanced up. It was dark and there was little help from the street lamps around them, and not a cloud dotted the sky. It glittered and made Taekwoon smile.

“Yeah.” he hummed. “We can’t stay though, or we’ll get sick.”

They slowly started up the path to Wonsik’s apartment. At the door, Wonsik paused.

He looked at Taekwoon with a surprising amount of sobriety, despite the glaze in his eyes. “Hyung.” he said, testing his voice.

Taekwoon was prepared to disregard whatever he said next because drunk was still drunk, and Wonsik wouldn’t remember any of the conversation tomorrow with his massive hangover.

“Hyung, you’re too good f'him.” he said.

Taekwoon stopped.

Wonsik didn’t notice. “You’re to good fer him an’ it should be me instead.”

Then, he went inside without saying thank you or goodnight and Taekwoon could only stare at the door, eyes wide, heart racing.

He almost hoped Wonsik wouldn’t forget what he said.


	8. things you said with too many miles between us 1 [n/hb]

Hakyeon wasn’t much of a fan of video calls, especially not when it was with someone he loved; it just reminded him of the distance between them, and sometimes one that would never close. He wasn’t the best at being alone.

It was 3AM and he was sitting at his desk, staring at his laptop screen and waiting for the video call to come in. Hongbin was in another country and insisted on calling him the day after his flight came in.

His knee bounced anxiously while his mind ran through things to say. Their last night together before the two weeks Hongbin would be gone hadn’t ended well; a usual fight about Hongbin not being open about his feelings while Hakyeon was  _too_  open with them. Hongbin knew how to cut a conversation in pieces with that sharp tongue of his and Hakyeon could still feel the sting, though dull.

He already missed him, but he didn’t know how he was going to apologize because he’d said some regretful things too. What if Hongbin pretended like it didn’t happen? Hakyeon worried he’d let it fester like always and his homecoming would be ruined by that.

Jingles from his laptop pulled him from his worries and he picked up the call before he could even think about it. Bulky pixels moved around and something ruffled in the audio, and Hakyeon waited for it to clear up.

_ “Is this thing on…” _

Hongbin’s voice was a little jagged but Hakyeon felt relief at hearing it.

_ “Can you see me…?” _

“Yeah,” Hakyeon replied, adjusting his screen for a better angle. “It’s working.”

The image cleared up and there was his Hongbin, just woken up if his hair sticking in every which direction was any indication. He rubbed at his eyes and Hakyeon wanted to coo, qualms and bad feelings forgotten for the moment.

“How was your flight?” he asked after giving Hongbin a minute to wake up some more.

Hongbin groaned, slouching over in his chair. “I think it gave my neck a permanent crick or something.” he complained, rolling out his shoulders.

Hakyeon chuckled, basking in the sound of his boyfriend sighing, not realizing how much he missed him already despite them only being apart for a day and a half.

_“It’s late for you, isn’t it?”_  Hongbin asked, pulling himself back up.

Hakyeon hummed. “Mmm, 3AM, but it doesn’t matter since you said you would call.” he smiled softly, pushing away his tiredness.

Hongbin glanced off to the side.

“When does the shoot start?”

_ “Setup’s at 8:30, the models should arrive around nine, and we start as soon as they’re in makeup and costume.” _

“Are you the only photographer today?”

And they sank into conversation about what was on Hongbin’s agenda, lighthearted and easy. Hakyeon still couldn’t help trying to think of ways to bring up their argument, which seemed so silly in retrospect now that he missed Hongbin, but he hated things going unfinished.

Hongbin stopped speaking eventually, staring at Hakyeon on the screen. Feeling his eyes, Hakyeon shifted.

“What?”

_ “Do you miss me?” _

Hakyeon couldn’t tell if the question was a joke or not. “It’s only been a day, Bin.” he more or less answered, lying.

_ “So? You’re going to hurt my feelings.” _

“You don’t have any feelings…” he muttered under his breath, as more of a joke.

Hongbin heard and sat up.  _“I do too. How else am I supposed to love you?”_

Hakyeon came up short and Hongbin let out a little gasp like he realized what he said.

“What was that?”

_ “Hyung…” _

“No, I want to hear it again.”

_ “Hyung.” _

_ “Hongbin.” _

Even from the poor quality of their video, he could make out Hongbin’s dimples dipping into the blush blooming on his cheeks.

_“Ugh, hyung… Fine.”_  he huffed, shifting like he was preparing his brain for the words. His hatred for touchy-feeliness always fueled Hakyeon and made his days a little bit more fun.  _“I… love you…”_

Hakyeon brightened immediately, cooing in that perfect way that he knew ground into Hongbin’s nerves. He expected him to complain, but instead he repeated himself.

_“I really love you, Hakyeon.”_  he said, and Hakyeon paused.  _“And… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been like that right before I left.”_

Hakyeon smiled somberly, suddenly wishing they weren’t so far apart. He wanted to hug Hongbin so badly when he spoke again. “Me too. We were both out of line… I’m sorry too.”

They didn’t always used to be able to accept their mistakes and apologize so easy, and it still came hard sometimes, but Hakyeon would wait for him to come home so they could really work it out and be happy together.


	9. things you said when you were drunk 2 [l/r]

Taekwoon didn’t like drinking because of how touchy and giggly he became, but Wonsik thought that was adorable. How guarded Taekwoon could be sometimes worried him, but at least he knew that he wanted to have physical contact with people and talk to them instead of staring them all down into oblivion.

They were in the comfort of Wonsik’s own apartment, lazing around on a Saturday night since neither of them wanted to go out with the others. Wonsik had started drinking first and offered Taekwoon one, which turned into two, which turned into the resident lightweight drinking himself under the table in just a few glasses.

They played a couple games and laughed through two ridiculous movies, and now Taekwoon was laying on the arm of the couch, humming to himself something pretty. Wonsik flipped the television to a random channel and listened in on the humming, smiling to himself.

“It sounds nice, hyung.”

Taekwoon chuckled lazily, rolling over a little to look at Wonsik. “Is it?”

Wonsik nodded, turning his head. “It is. I like it when you hum.”

Taekwoon smiled. “I like it when you listen.”

Even though he should be embarrassed by that, he was too swayed by alcohol to worry.

“I like this.” Taekwoon then sighed, stretching his legs over Wonsik’s lap.

“Like what?”

His eyes closed and Wonsik admired the way his lashes brushed along his round cheeks. He looked so soft.

“Jus’ the two of us.”

With all of his senses pleasantly buzzing, Wonsik could only smile and start rubbing circles into Taekwoon’s calf.

“I like it too.”


	10. things you said when you were crying 2 [l/h]

Taekwoon could already see the tears forming in Sanghyuk’s eyes—his precious Sanghyuk, who he endlessly adored since they were young, someone who knew him like they back of their hand, his true other half—and it drove a nail into his heart. It was going to be hard, but he was insistent that they would get through it together. At least, he hoped.

“But what if you move on?” Sanghyuk muttered, tone laced with bitterness. He’d never been the best at being forward with his feelings, especially towards Taekwoon. He kept everything jammed down his throat stubbornly, lying to himself that he’d find the perfect opportunity to come clean—but then the moment came, and if it wasn’t now, then when?

“I won’t.”

Sanghyuk looked up with a glare, eyes stinging. “How do  _I_  know that?”

The lack of trust was hurtful, but Taekwoon knew there wasn’t anything he could do about it.

“You just have to believe me…”

With a click of his tongue, Sanghyuk turned away. “You’re a liar. A bad one.”

And the nail drove deeper, splitting him in half and chipping away at everything he wanted to believe.

“Sanghyuk, I don’t understand why you’re being  _like_  this. Why don’t you belie—”

“Because, hyung!” Sanghyuk exploded, spinning around with wet eyes. “Because you’re gonna— _find_  someone better, realize that I’m just a fucking brat, and then—and  _then—”_  He choked back a sob “And th-then… You’re going to l-leave me…”

In the silence, Taekwoon blinked rapidly with confusion and hurt. Both of them were insecure, but he hadn’t realized it was going to come out like  _this;_  on their last night together before he’d go to college and start building the future they’d secretly always hoped they’d have.

At Sanghyuk’s sides were his clenched fists and shaking shoulders. He hated being vulnerable and Taekwoon knew that.

He tentatively came forward. “Why didn’t you say anything…” he whispered. “We could’ve… could’ve  _talked_  about this a long time ago.”

“Was af-fraid you’d think it was s-stupid…”

Taekwoon wasn’t sure what to say. He gently grasped Sanghyuk’s face and brought it up to see tears dribbling down his cheeks and snot leaking under his nose. Only he could be blamed for not reassuring him more, for not telling him how important he was to him, how much he meant to him, how he could never think of a single person that would come before him.

The only thing could think of to say was, “I’m sorry.”

Sanghyuk jerked him into a hug and he began to rub his back and pat his hair, looking up at the ceiling with his own stinging eyes.

“I’ll never find anyone that I love even _half_  as much as you.”

Through all the insecurity and doubt, Sanghyuk had to reach far,  _far_  down into himself to hope that was true.


	11. things you said when you were in a hotel room [l/r]

When Sanghyuk snagged Hongbin and Jaehwan clung to Hakyeon, Hakyeon turned a glare on Taekwoon and Wonsik.

For months now, it was no secret that something was going on between the both of them, but Hakyeon was stringent on its regulation for the safety of the group. It wasn’t like they didn’t know any better, and hardly ever shared hotel rooms unless it was on a duet schedule that required both of them abroad. The managers knew nothing of the situation so it was absolute that they not draw attention to themselves.

Sanghyuk snickered like the little asshole he was while dragging a clueless Hongbin away. Jaehwan sang that he’d be waiting for Hakyeon to give him a massage from a bet he’d lost. Like two teenagers with self-control issues, Taekwoon and Wonsik could barely glance at each other.

“This isn’t the dorm.” Hakyeon said. “I’d just like to remind you of that.” His smile was sickeningly sweet, masking foreboding threats that he’d have both their dicks himself with a pair of shears. He trotted off happily.

Taekwoon scoffed and turned on his heel to his shared room with Wonsik. Wonsik trailed after him with a glum face.

“They did this on purpose.” he muttered.

“I don’t like that Hakyeon treats us like we can’t control ourselves.” Taekwoon grumbled to himself, opening the door.

“Well…” Wonsik murmured, sliding in behind him.

Their bags fell to the floor after the door clicked shut.

Taekwoon hadn’t been the least bit surprised when he was pressed up against the wall, one warm hand roaming up his shirt.

“…He wasn’t wrong.” Wonsik grinned, speaking against Taekwoon’s lips.

Feigning annoyance, Taekwoon sighed and rolled his eyes; but his hands went up to grasp Wonsik’s hips.

“I suppose you’re right."


	12. things you said that made me feel like shit [n/l]

Arguing with Taekwoon was like arguing with a brick wall. Hakyeon would talk and talk, become even  _more_  agitated, raise his voice, then say things he didn’t mean because of it. Taekwoon would just  _shut down_  and angrily, stubbornly look in another direction.

Now was one of those instances.

“Stop  _ignoring me,_ Taekwoon.” Hakyeon snapped.

In his usual fashion, he did exactly what Hakyeon asked him not to do.

“It’s like you don’t even care whether we’re sinking or swimming! I don’t even know what to—what to  _say_  to you anymore!” Hakyeon turned away, shoving his fingers through his hair in frustration. His face was boiling and his chest was tight.

Despite his obvious anger, Taekwoon still doggedly denied him reply. It pissed him off even more.

“Do you even care about  _anything_  anymore?” he barked. “When you get like this, I can’t even fucking tell! It’s like you don’t even want to  _be_  here.” He spun on his heel to face the statue Taekwoon might as well be. “If you don’t, then  _go._  I’m sick and tired of putting up with this every single fucking time.”

His seething barely softened the blow of Taekwoon taking his first step away because deep down, he knew; if Taekwoon left like this, he might never come back. At the height of his fury though, his pride was too thick to care.

Then, Taekwoon did something unusual. He turned on him. “I’m tired of this, Hakyeon.” he said, low and sharp. “We go through this all the time. If you really want someone who isn’t like—” He jerked a motion at himself, “—this, then go find someone  _better.”_

Taken aback, Hakyeon stared with a frozen brain. Taekwoon rarely, if ever, responded in arguments. There wasn’t a trace of guilt for going so far as to finally  _get_  a response, but—

His brain picked right back up again. “Do you think I’d still fucking  _be_  here if I found someone better?”

It was Taekwoon’s turn to freeze. The dark look melted from his face, leaving shock and wide eyes that quickly glazed over.

Belatedly, Hakyeon realized what he said sounded more like a backhand confession than it did an insult or a jab. His shoulders dropped in sudden exhaustion of being so angry.

Taekwoon still gaped at him, watery, fists clenched at his sides.

Hakyeon sighed. “I mean it.” he said with some resentment, looking him straight in the eyes. “I mean it.”

With that, Taekwoon collapsed on the couch and let out sob towards the ceiling. It sounded something like an apology, and Hakyeon knew the storm had passed. He was so tired.

He plopped next to Taekwoon on the couch, laying his head back and closing his eyes.

Taekwoon grabbed his hand and squeezed. “God, I feel like shit.”


	13. things you said that i wish you hadn't [l/r]

“I feel so small like this.” Wonsik murmured. His hands pillowed his head facing the sky scattered with stars. “It never changes.”

From next to him, Taekwoon hummed in reply.

This was the good kind of peace; the two of them together, quiet and thoughtful, gazing at what was just barely visible in the night life of the city. Cars drove in the distance with the occasional siren or helicopter flying by, but it wasn’t a disturbance; it only added to the ambiance that was enough to lure one into a trance.

“Feels good, I think.” he continued. “Gaining some perspective, I mean. You really get that feel of how you’re only one small little thing, y'know?”

Taekwoon chuckled at his ramblings, but he didn’t mind. It made him feel heard and wanted.

“Like… We kinda are alone.”

“But you aren’t.” Taekwoon interrupted. “I’m here.”

Wonsik grinned. “I guess.”

“You have family too.”

“I  _guess._  Hyung, that’s not really what I mean though.”

Taekwoon sighed. “I’m not sure I understand. …Do you really think you’re alone?”

“When it’s like this, when I’m looking up at this big sky with all these stars so far away, out there… Yeah, I kinda do. Don’t you?”

“I have you.” Taekwoon replied. “Why would I feel alone?”

With his attention taken away from the vast cosmos, back on the roof and hyper aware of Taekwoon’s every word, Wonsik let out a, “Well…”

Before he could go on, Taekwoon said, “Just because I left everything else behind for you doesn’t mean I’m alone.”

In his chest, Wonsik’s heart burgeoned, pressing against his ribs painfully. Taekwoon made that sound so simple, and yet whenever it was brought up, the guilt threatened to consume Wonsik. It was guilt over how Taekwoon really had given up everything to be with him—and yet wasn’t upset about it.

But sometimes, it was all Wonsik could think about; even with all that happened in the universe, it always seemed to be this one thing that wanted to devour him.


	14. things you said at 1am [n/k]

“Sorry the air conditioner’s broken.” Jaehwan sighed.

Hakyeon was draped over the side of his bed, fanning himself. “I don’t care that much.”

Jaehwan chuckled. “But you’re sweating.” He made the mistake of glancing over to see Hakyeon’s long neck damp with sweat. He groaned to himself. “Is the window open?”

Hakyeon shrugged and rolled upwards towards the window on the other side of the bed. Jaehwan couldn’t help watching every move of his skin and muscle under his tank top.

“I’m opening it,” Hakyeon sighed, wiping at his forehead. “It’s nighttime, why is it so freaking hot? Jaehwaaaan,” he whined, “do something.”

Jaehwan sighed, eyes curving. “Alright, alright, okay.” He lazily pushed himself up from the ground and dragged himself towards the door. “I’ll go get the fan from downstairs. But don’t make any noise, it’s almost like 1AM and my parents will chew us out.”

Hakyeon opened his mouth wide like he was about to scream, but then grinned cheekily at Jaehwan’s raised eyebrows.

A dim light was turned on in the kitchen and Jaehwan spotted one of his brothers drinking a glass of water and fanning himself. He turned around when he heard the moving around.

“Hey, I was gonna take that.” he frowned.

Jaehwan stuck his tongue out at him. “I got it first. Just sleep naked.”

His brother scrunched his nose. “Mom don’t like that. Don’t tell me what to do.”

“Just saying,” Jaehwan singsonged, grinning wide as he unplugged the house’s best fan. “Besides, I got a friend over, you don’t.”

His brother snorted over the rim of his glass and then pulled it away, wiping at his mouth. “You mean you’re  _boyfriend?”_

Jaehwan stopped in his tracks, ears twitching. “He’s not my boyfriend!” he whisper-shouted.

“Whatever you say,  _Jaehwanie.”_  His brother mimicked the way Hakyeon would coo at him when he thought he did something cute and it put a blush on his cheeks. “If you’re gonna screw the guy, I don’t wanna hear it.”

Flushed, Jaehwan rushed from the room; his brother’s chuckle followed him all the way down the hall. He heard the bed squeak from his room before he went inside.

“Jaehwan?” Hakyeon asked as soon as he clapped the door shut. “You look like you just stuck your face next to an oven.”

“It’s nothing!” Jaehwan lied, turning away to plug the fan in.

When it was set up, they both settled in front of it. Jaehwan made obnoxious noises and said weird things out of tiredness, while Hakyeon just enjoyed the air on his face. It wasn’t long after that when they both lay down, the fan being adjusted to blow on them better.

Hakyeon laid his head down on his folded arms and stared up at Jaehwan; so long that Jaehwan thought holes were being carved into his face. The tips of his ears were reddening.

“Hey…” Hakyeon said after blatantly staring for five minutes. “Would you really fuck me?”

Jaehwan choked on his spit. “Wh-Wh—What?” He rolled onto his side and gaped stupidly at Hakyeon.

“I… heard what your brother said.”

“You were l- _listening?”_

Hakyeon’s lips, tinted red and shining from being licked, pulled up in a silly, self-conscious grin. “…Accidentally? I was going to get something to drink, but then I heard, and…”

Jaehwan quickly sat up, rapidly patting his cheeks, hot not only from the room’s temperature. “I’m sorry, he’s usually just—He says stupid things, and—”

“But I asked you a question.”

Jaehwan didn’t understand how Hakyeon said it so  _nonchalantly_ ,like it was normal. Like he didn’t mind if Jaehwan had the biggest and gayest crush on him. Like he was  _okay_  with that; and maybe… liked him back?

He rubbed the back of his neck a little more roughly than necessary. Hakyeon’s eyes, bright and mischievous, watched him, felt like they could see  _through_  him.

“I… w-wouldn’t say no…”

Hakyeon pushed himself up and crawled towards him, smiling even more brightly. “Is that so…”


	15. things you said with too many miles between us 2 [l/r]

After one of the best two weeks of his life, Wonsik laid in bed, arms spread; alone, with the ringing silence of his bedroom. It was strange and surreal to feel that the bed grew, that the walls pushed back. He was in this space, all alone.

The phone rang. It startled him upwards and he scrambled for it on the nightstand that seemed a lot farther away than normal. On the caller ID was a name that stretched his lips in a simper.

“Are you home? Did your flight go alright? Are you tired?”

“Slow down.” chided the soft voice on the other side of the line.

Wonsik listened with apprehension has he heard things move around in the background noise. It told him Taekwoon had just gotten into his apartment and the first thing he wanted to do was call. Despite the ache in his chest, there was a warm fuzziness to cushion it because of that.

When it sounded like things settled down, Taekwoon replied, “Yes. Yes. Yes.”

Wonsik rolled back onto his bed. He heaved a sigh.

“Are you okay?”

“I miss you.” Wonsik didn’t hesitate in his reply.

“It hasn’t even been a day yet.” Taekwoon said, sounding amused. Wonsik wasn’t. He felt miserable.

“Might as well have been another year…”

Taekwoon sighed and Wonsik felt bad for bringing it up like that.

“It won’t be so long this time.” Taekwoon then amended. “I’ll fly you over here if I have to.”

“m'Just being a brat…” Wonsik muttered apologetically. He rolled over onto his side and pulled his legs in. “it’s gonna be lonely without your cooking around…”

“How ever will you sustain yourself?” Taekwoon teased. He paused before sighing. “Being without your snoring and kicking might be nice.”

Wonsik scoffed indignantly. “You said you didn’t care!”

Taekwoon cleared his throat. “I said ‘might be’.”

The horrible cavity in Wonsik’s chest expanded almost painfully and he tucked his knees in to squeeze it away. “The bed feels so empty…”

With a somber hum, Taekwoon said, “Mine seems bigger.”

It was ridiculous how much Wonsik felt like a heartsick teenager. They were both grown adults with their own lives to lead, but the separation was just as sudden as their joining had been. He’d really felt like he was on cloud nine when they first saw each other at the airport.

“Someday,” Taekwoon suddenly murmured, soft and gentle, “someday, we won’t have two beds between us.”

With that thought looking so forward into the future, Wonsik wouldn’t need to feel half as bad anymore. Taekwoon wasn’t wrong. Distance wouldn’t always stand in their way.

He’d just have to be a little patient until then.


	16. things you said at the kitchen table [l/r]

Taekwoon had known something was stirring in Wonsik’s head all week, but they compromised that they would tell each other everything when they were ready, on there own terms; so he’d given him space. Still, nothing could’ve prepared him for the path they were suddenly looking at.

One of his chopsticks accidentally clattered against the ceramic plate. Wonsik startled in his seat at the harsh sound. He muttered to himself something that sounded like,  _I thought this might happen._

Out of pure irritation, Taekwoon snapped, “What did you expect?”

Wonsik’s eyebrows raised. “I… I expected you to be happy?” he responded, flabbergasted. “This is important to me.”

Taekwoon had to set his other chopstick with full focus on it, otherwise he might slam it. “You’re leaving next  _week_  and you didn’t think… to tell me sooner?”

Guilt passed over Wonsik’s face, but irritation quickly took over. “I was scared of what you’d say.”

“I would’ve been happy for you  _then._ _”_  he said. “But Wonsik, if this goes well… You might not come back.”

“I—” Wonsik paused like he hadn’t considered that; but he had, Taekwoon knew. He had and he still didn’t have the guts enough to bring it up sooner. “I was going too… But this is  _big,_ hyung. How was I supposed to break it to you?”

Nausea slowly roiled to life in Taekwoon’s stomach and he pushed his dishes away. “Like always, Wonsik! Like we always said we would!”

“I’m telling you now.”

A growl bubbled forward, but Taekwoon held back. His hands trembled with too much emotion. “God, Wonsik. Did you even  _hear_  me? What if it goes well? You’ll stay? And what about me?”

Wonsik opened his mouth and then closed it, considering what he was going to say carefully. Then he replied, “You’ll come with me.”

Taekwoon scoffed and rolled his eyes because he knew that would be the exact answer. “I’m not  _like_  you, Wonsik. I don’t know English, there’s no job prospects for me there, and all of my family is  _here._  You expect me to leave all of that?”

And then, he froze.

Agony contorted Wonsik’s face. Then, anger. His chair screeched across the wooden floor.

Taekwoon sat, unable to do anything but watch as Wonsik cleared his side of the table.

When he finished, he stood at the edge of the kitchen and stared Taekwoon down with the most cutting glare to ever cross his face. Taekwoon felt it slice right through him.

“Fine, I’ll stay there by myself.”

He stormed from the room.

Taekwoon’s heart cracked.


	17. things you said when we were on top of the world [l/r]

When the last enemy rider fell from the sky, their dragon spiraling down with them, Wonsik howled; loud, wild, and free. He leaned forward and spurred his dragon on into a dive searching for black opalescent scales against the blinding blue. Whooping and celebratory cries joined the wind rushing pass his ears, elevating his elation, wetting his eyes.

A chord of fear was struck through him at the thought that maybe— _maybe_  his mate hadn’t made it, and his dragon sensed his distress. She purred and her pearly scales vibrated soothingly under him. If they were still alive, she would hone in on their bond and find them.

Right as a gleam of sleek black caught the corner of his eye, his dragon banked sharply. At the sight of their mates, a jubilant beam shone across Wonsik’s face. A mighty roar from the black dragon let them known they were spotted too.

Barely able to contain his joy, Wonsik pushed himself up from the saddle. Not caring about his blurry eyesight, he pushed himself forward and ran over the column of his dragon’s neck all the way to her head—and then he jumped. His dragon yowled after him.

“Taekwoon!” he shouted over the rushing air.

Taekwoon, looked up at the call and his eyes widened when he saw Wonsik skydiving towards him.

“You’re going to die!” he screeched, and Wonsik could only laugh.

“Then catch me!”

Taekwoon reigned his dragon around in a narrow circle and then dove to ease Wonsik’s collision.

With the air whistling past his ears, whipping at his face so icily, Wonsik had never felt more _alive._  He _was_  alive— _they_  were.

In the next instant, Taekwoon’s arms were wrapped around him and their bodies flushed together. Wonsik laughed, loud and wild, euphoria filling every inch of his veins.

“W-Wonsik—” Taekwoon coughed, “Can’t… breathe…”

Trying to get a grip, Wonsik jerked back. Taekwoon coughed a few times for effect, ever the dramatic, and then blinked with surprised at seeing Wonsik’s face. His worn expression softened and he brought up his hands to cup Wonsik’s cheeks and wipe at his tears with his thumbs. Wonsik didn’t even care that there was blood caked under his nails.

“We won… We won…” Wonsik half-sobbed, brain still not fully processing that it was  _over._ They were  _alive._

“There may still be a few battles yet, but yes. I’d say we’ve taken it.” Taekwoon murmured, checking over Wonsik for major injuries.

Sounds of glory won rang in the sky and both of them looked up, seeing their fellow riders celebrating. Wonsik’s dragon circled around, keening at Taekwoon’s. Wonsik looked back down to beam at Taekwoon.

“I’m so glad… We both made it…” he sniffled.

Softly, Taekwoon smiled and leaned their foreheads together. “If I could live in this moment forever, I would.”

Joy swept through Wonsik and he tackled Taekwoon backwards, hardly mindful of injuries, and kissed him until they ran out of breath.


	18. things you said when you thought i was asleep 1 [k/r]

“Hyung,” Wonsik cooed, wrapping his arms around Jaehwan’s shoulders and leaning on him. Jaehwan grunted under the weight. “I’m tired.”

He said it like a little kid and left Jaehwan endeared.

Wonsik scooted off the couch and spread his legs for Jaehwan to properly situate himself and lean back into him.

It was easy for Jaehwan to let Wonsik be open with his affections. Wonsik, he knew, was the kind of person who needed to be openly doting of his friends, or he would start to feel anxious. Most of their friends were a little tired of the physical contact, but none of them rejected it, Jaehwan least of all, because they understood.

There was only one problem.

Wonsik’s affections were a little more…  _forward_  towards him. It hadn’t taken him long to pick up on that, but he wasn’t sure what to do about it.

“Do you want to go to sleep?” he asked cutely, and Wonsik chuckled when he faked a large yawn. He thought about leaning his head back too but then realized he might be sending the wrong message. That wasn’t to say letting Wonsik go on as he pleased around him  _wasn’t_ giving out the wrong message, but he was still figuring that part out.

Nerves made him get up from the floor and he slipped from Wonsik’s hold that was warm in an uncomfortable way.

He turned off the television.

“Should we sleep in here, or are you gonna sleep in your room?” Wonsik asked, eyes pondering at him in the low light.

“One of us would have to sleep on the floor.”

“We could both fit on the couch.”

“That’s just unrealistic.”

Wonsik laughed, pushing off the floor.

Jaehwan knew Wonsik wanted to sleep together, but he just wasn’t in the mood.

“…You’re not going to kick me, are you?” Jaehwan asked, and Wonsik’s face lit up.

When Wonsik said no, he lied of course, but he didn’t mind so much. It was easy for Wonsik to fall asleep next to Jaehwan, which was why he allowed it in the first place since, of all of them, he possibly got the least sleep.

In bed, with little space between them, they murmured things to each other until drifting off. Wonsik’s breathing evened out first and left Jaehwan’s eye sight sleepily blurring at the ceiling.

He had to wonder; why him? Why did Wonsik want  _him?_  There was Hakyeon, Hongbin, Taekwoon… But it turned out to be Jaehwan, who couldn’t return his feelings—who couldn’t return anyone’s feelings. He felt bad, but it wasn’t his fault… It would be if he let this go on though. He needed to put a stop to it, but their friendship was important.

He supposed that if it was important to Wonsik too, unrequited feelings would be no problem.

He rolled onto his side and watched Wonsik’s sleeping face.

Tired tears dribbled up in his eyes when he yawned and his eyelids fluttered. “Sorry, Wonsik… Wish I could feel the same…”

After that, he didn’t remember drifting off.

Wonsik was gone when he woke up.


	19. things you said when i was dead [l/r]

Wonsik cooed at the little boy in the car seat who laughed back at him.

“Suntaek, are you ready to see daddy?” he asked, making a face with puffy cheeks at him. The boy raised his arms and mimicked Wonsik’s round cheeks, chanting excitedly. “Me too.”

He looked away from the rear view mirror and focused on the road. The drive wasn’t a long one by any means, but it felt like every time he made this trip, it stretched out farther than before. He turned up the volume on the radio, trying to let the soft music soothe him and lull his son into a nap until they arrived.

That was twenty minutes later, when he pulled off to the side of the narrow tar road. Its blackness was offset by the sickeningly vibrant grass and he had to take a moment to steady himself while being among all of it. With a shake of his head, he turned to the back car door.

Suntaek squealed with delight at being taking out of his seat. Wonsik smiled gently, fixing the collar of his shirt that rose a little too high on his neck.

“There, you look presentable.” he teased, even though Suntaek wouldn’t understand. “C'mon, let’s go see daddy.”

He put his son down and held out his own hand for him to take. Suntaek giggled and his tiny, little hand could only curl around only a few of Wonsik’s fingers.

Together, they set out across the fields scattered with an array of gray stones. Wonsik pretended none of them were there, and also ignored that faint stench that cemeteries always seemed to have; a kind of stagnancy to the oxygen. He let Suntaek’s mindless babbling distract him until they came up to a grave in the last row before the treeline thickened.

The air was a little fresher here, though the wind was more directed than it would’ve been in open space. Wonsik didn’t feel the suffocation he did anywhere else. They chose a good spot. He squatted down and ushered Suntaek between his legs.

“Say hi to daddy, Taekie.” he simpered, waving at the gravestone.

“Hi daddy!” Suntaek giggled without a care in the world. Wonsik’s heart trembled.

He settled backwards, crisscrossing his legs and letting Suntaek wander up to the stone. He watched him pat it a few times and mention how it was cold, then laughed.

While Suntaek began circling around the graves happily, Wonsik stared at the one ahead of him. Looking at it exhausted him, it always did. His eyelids were heavy and his body didn’t want to stay up anymore. It was habitual; the first few days, he’d come and nap behind the stone, unable to drag himself away from it. Unable to be away from him.

That was two years ago.

“The weather is nice today.” he murmured. “Probably shouldn’t have worn something so stuffy.” he chuckled, pulling a little at his tie; it wasn’t tight at all. “How is it where you are?” He paused a long moment for a reply that wouldn’t come. “Ah, yeah. It sounds nice.”

He loosened his tie a little more. Suntaek giggled, picking a wild flower from one stone down.

“He’s getting so big, isn’t he? He’ll be starting school soon, you know?” he said proudly, and then waited a moment. “I can’t believe it either. I know you wanted him to stay a baby forever. You were so cute together.” He thought of all the photos in his phone he couldn’t bear to move to another device yet.

A familiar, unwanted feeling clutched at his stomach and he had to take a deep breath, tilting his head back and closing his eyes.

“Daddy!” Suntaek shouted from right behind him, and Wonsik jumped. He’d thrown his arms around Wonsik’s neck and toppled them over, laughing brightly and then crawling over Wonsik’s side.

Wonsik rolled onto his back and blinked rapidly for his eyes to adjust. Suntaek settled onto his stomach and shoved in his face a rumpled bracelet made of the wild flowers he was playing with.

“For you!” he grinned, waving it in a circle.

Wonsik chuckled, grabbed his son by the waist, and then lifted him up until they were sitting facing the gravestone. He pointed at the piano ornament situated on top of the marble, a boy playing it.

“How about you give it to daddy instead?”

Falling quiet, Suntaek began to fidget with his fingers and the bracelet. “…Will… Will he like it…?” he hesitantly asked.

The bracelet was trembling in Suntaek’s hands; he was nervous. Wonsik watched it for a moment, understanding. Suntaek hadn’t known his other dad long, didn’t know that he was the most adored boy in the whole world.

He exhaled, slowly and evenly, and then brought his hand up to curl around Suntaek’s and the bracelet.

“He’ll love it.” he whispered.

Doubt immediately dispersed, Suntaek hopped forward and crowned the little piano and boy with the bracelet. “It’s so pretty!” he whooped, throwing his hands up. He turned around and ran right back into Wonsik’s arms.

Wonsik could only stare at the new decoration for a long, emotional moment.

Then he said, “Do you think so too, Taekwoon?”


	20. things you said with no space between us [n/k]

The rule was that if anyone in the dorm wanted privacy, the laundry room was the place to go. Though, to be fair, Hakyeon wasn’t sure  _their_  type of privacy was what anyone meant. The other members might kill both of them if they knew; or something like that.

But he was too lost in Jaehwan’s skin to worry about that. A little laugh in exhilaration escaped Hakyeon’s mouth as they pushed on each other, Jaehwan taking the lead unusually.

“Don’t forget to lock the door.” Jaehwan said cheekily. His hands were on the inside of Hakyeon’s shirt, running up his warm sides.

“Okay, okay, hold on.” Hakyeon laughed, reaching behind him to do it.

“I don’t wanna wait.” Jaehwan pouted, tucking his face into the crook of his neck and shoulder. “I’ve been waiting for like, a whole week now…”

Shivers ran down Hakyeon’s back from the softness of Jaehwan’s lips. He reveled in the sensation, tilting his head back while kisses trailed up his neck and a hand slunk down his stomach.

Jaehwan hummed. “Mmm… Hyung is so warm…” He cupped Hakyeon’s half-hard dick through his underwear.

It all went to Hakyeon’s head so quickly that he couldn’t make heads or tails of who was touching who, and where. Jaehwan’s touch was so unlike any other he’d had before; so loving and gentle, and had the right way about making him feel like he was the center of the universe.

“Y'know, hyung…” Jaehwan murmured, and goosebumps prickled on Hakyeon’s skin, “I love this. You always spoil me… So I love getting to spoil you.” Though contrasting from his words was his hand, squeezing Hakyeon’s bulge, and Hakyeon bucked his hips.

“Oh, please,” Hakyeon sighed, grinding his hips forward, “you’re such a spoiled boy that I can’t do anything else.”

Jaehwan laughed, starting to kiss down his chest. His knees fell against the floor moments later and he looked up at Hakyeon with mischievous eyes that promised Hakyeon’s legs would stop working soon.

“Yeah, but that makes me the luckiest guy in the world.”

Hakyeon’s underwear and pants joined Jaehwan on the floor, and he didn’t have to say anything to let him know the feeling was mutual.


	21. things you said when you thought i was asleep 2 [l/r]

His lap was filled with half of Wonsik while the rest of him awkwardly tried to fit itself across the backseat of the van. Taekwoon couldn’t help but find it endearing how alike Wonsik was to a large dog who still thought he was a puppy. He’d never tell him that of course—there were some things that just couldn’t be said between them.

Like how Wonsik always found a way to sleep around Taekwoon, even when the space wouldn’t allow it. Taekwoon had never been much to question other people’s motives so long as it didn’t harm him, but the case was different with Wonsik; different in the way that Taekwoon was…  _invested_  here.

One hand carded through Wonsik’s dark hair while they other rested on his stomach. The even rise and fall of his chest lulled Taekwoon into a trance that melted the world until there was nothing but the two of them.

Music that droned softly barely registered, and Taekwoon began to think about how sad it was that he was so close to Wonsik, yet so far from what he wanted. He’d always said he would be straightforward about his feelings towards the person he loved—and that used to prove true, when he wasn’t an idol; when the person he loved wasn’t just a hallway down.

He’d lost count of the amount of times he had imagined himself finally— _finally—_ confessing to Wonsik. It would be at a time like this, when they were alone, when it seemed like no one else existed.

He glanced to the driving manager, then back down to Wonsik’s face.

Wonsik’s expression was so eased and soft, and Taekwoon’s heart swelled almost painfully. He was acutely aware of how sunk he was in his feelings; even more so when he knew he’d never be able to work up the courage to say something about them.

He sighed softly and his head tilted against the window.

“I wish…” he murmured softly, and knew he couldn’t be heard over the radio’s murmur by the manager. He swept Wonsik’s bangs from his face and then traced a finger along his brow. “I wish you knew how much I liked you.”

Regret surged in the moment the words left his mouth, fear that he was heard with it; but there was no visible change. The words echoed in the back of the car, hanging from the felt ceiling like stars that hadn’t fallen yet.

He let out a breath.

“Wake up Ravi.” the manager told him when the car pulled up to their apartment building.

Taekwoon was about to shake Wonsik awake when he sat up on his own.

“I wasn’t asleep.” he said to the manger—and the undertone of his voice burned quick into Taekwoon’s cheeks.

Wordless, Wonsik climbed from the van first. Taekwoon’s heart pounded in his ears at the sudden revelation that his confession didn’t go as unheard as he thought. He was terrified of following so quickly, then.

But when he slowly climbed out too, there was Wonsik, holding his hand out to him, smiling shyly.


	22. things you said when you were drunk 3 [y/d]

Even after five years down the road and more under their belts than they ever wanted, Daehyun could admit that there were still times he felt awkward around Yongguk. He pretended that wasn’t the case at all because the rest knew him as someone who couldn’t shut up and became fast friends with just about anyone.

So imagine his surprise when they were the only two awake and Yongguk asked if he wanted to drink with him. He didn’t say no, of course—his love for alcohol trekked into  _overdoing_  it sometimes, but alone, with Yongguk was a bit… new for him.

Yongguk had never been the talking type much either, which had Daehyun’s nerves working his brain double-time for conversation. Even if he wanted to stop his incessant chattering, he couldn’t, not with the way Yongguk would hum every now and then, seemingly stubborn on not returning his side of the conversation.

The alcohol blurred his thoughts, made the words come easier, and he slowly worried less about being annoying. Yongguk was a good listener, he decided. He wasn’t sure what he was talking about at all, just babbling about this or that; their debut days or their hiatus, variety shows and backstage secrets, or how sometimes he wanted to go home and do nothing but sleep…

He couldn’t remember when he’d trailed off and gazed with glazed eyes at the ceiling, but then Yongguk spoke up.

“Why did you stop?”

“Huh?” he let out stupidly, more tired than drunk at that point.

“Stop talking.” he clarified.

“Oh… Um. I figured you got annoyed or something.” It was a half-lie. His brain was too fuzzy.

“No.” Yongguk replied, glancing over. “I like it. Listening to you talk.”

He was drunk too, Daehyun could hear it in how his words tapered together almost clumsily. It wasn’t like he said anything weird, but the appreciation on its own left him embarrassed, and he ducked his head to hide his blush.

“Thanks, I guess…” he mumbled.

Yongguk opened his mouth to reply, only to shut it again and shake his head to himself. A small, tired smile pulled at the corner of his lips.

“No. Thank you.”


	23. things you said when you were trying to get my attention [l/r]

Such a strong sense of déjà vu swept over Wonsik the moment Taekwoon crawled into his lap. In it, he thought of all the times he played childish and would throw himself over Taekwoon’s lap when he wanted something. He can’t remember when or why that stopped, but it might’ve had to do with how he felt now—Taekwoon settling in his.

He pushed his fake spectacles up his nose and peered upwards. “Something you want, hyung?” he asked despite clearly knowing the answer.

Taekwoon parted his lips and Wonsik couldn’t help how his eyes flickered to them. He was sure it wasn’t caught. Taekwoon’s mouth closed and he sighed like he was over himself, and then proceeded to bury his face into Wonsik’s neck.

It wasn’t unlike him, he thought, to do things like this. If someone would’ve told him two or three years ago that his hyung would start acting like a dongsaeng who wanted to be spoiled, he would’ve laughed in their faces. These days, it wasn’t so farfetched. Even Jaehwan, their resident baby, seemed used to it.

Still, Taekwoon did this to him a lot, and he couldn’t figure out why for the life of him. There were lots of explanations, but every one seemed more ridiculous than the last. Taekwoon couldn’t  _possibly_  be lonely. He couldn’t possibly be shy about asking for a favor from him. Least of all, Taekwoon couldn’t  _possibly_  be wanting his attention.

That brought him back to when he used to try so hard to impress Taekwoon; when he thought he was the coolest, most chic person he’d ever met. That barely held true these days, but Wonsik was content with the Taekwoon he knew now. It seemed like so long ago when Wonsik would vie for his attention away from whatever he was doing—because, they had to face it, back then he ignored everyone and everything. It was only later, when Taekwoon revealed himself to be needy, that Wonsik ever felt embarrassed at all.

Apparently, Taekwoon was simply satisfied with curling up in his lap, winding his lanky arms around his more narrow shoulders. It left Wonsik room to decide that he only wanted to be here and nothing else, so he returned his attention to his phone.

Something like a half an hour later, Taekwoon began to softly hum. Wonsik had thought he fell asleep since their chests moved evenly against each other, but that didn’t seem to be. The smooth skin of his neck vibrated against Wonsik’s clavicle, soon followed by the gentle drumming against his nape.

The sensations almost made him want to wriggle, but Taekwoon must’ve known that from how firmly he was planted.

Eventually unable to put up with the distracting stimulation, Wonsik sighed. “What is it?”

The humming and tapping stopped at the same time. Wonsik didn’t expect Taekwoon to pull back or move. Instead, his arms wove a little tighter.

Wonsik’s hand instinctively rose and ran up the column of Taekwoon’s bumpy spine—the warm body against him shivered.

“Hyung … ?”

Taekwoon’s palm cupped his nape and his fingers pressed in just so. Wonsik inhaled with the pressure. Words vibrated against his skin.

“What?”

The urge to roll out his shoulders had to be fought off when Taekwoon repeated himself. Wonsik could barely make anything he was mumbling out, his fingers curling into the fabric of Taekwoon’s starchy button-up.  He tried pulling on it, but Taekwoon held strong against him.

“Hyung, I—ah—” There was a wetness on the side of his neck. “—can’t understand you.”

What seemed like an eternity later, Taekwoon pulled back just enough to whisper clarity. “Do I have to spell it out?”

Wonsik understood then, and rolled his eyes. Lips pressed against his heavy pulse.

“I'unno, sometimes.” he said, and then set his phone down. He wrapped his arms securely around Taekwoon’s waist, hoisting him up and taking him to his bedroom.

Taekwoon had such a weird way of trying to get his attention, but he couldn’t say he minded that much.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow my writing blog at [homoerotixx](http://homoerotixx.tumblr.com/) and/or on Twitter, at [ravinilla](https://twitter.com/ravinilla). Thanks for reading!


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